Poopy died today

of course I can't believe she's gone
maybe if I had seen her enormous spirit rise from her tiny body
maybe if I'd been able to bury my face in her soft, warm fur once more
maybe if I'd seen her in the incubator, trying to breathe and waiting for my plane to land
or maybe it's just the normal shock when someone you love leaves this particular stage for another

So surreal
here in the land of the desert moon
flat vistas and clear sunlight
I think of how she'd think of all this sand as a giant litter box
I think of our last day together when she lay at my side, pressing her cold nose to my forehead and smelling my hair
I think of how she settled herself on my thigh as I slept, stretching out to her full length which could seem so long, her purr a little motor of contentment
I think of how she chased her little fake mouse down the stairs just this past Wednesday
How she mewed and stamped her front paws for her supper
how she settled herself across my laptop keyboard, never mind what I was doing
pet me
love me
stroke me
tickle me
scratch my chin, damnit
how a little being 1/40th my size
could fill my heart and always will reside there.


All the sadness could drive you mad.

but then...there's the Happy Acres Pet Cemetery

for some reason, speaking with the Happy Acres representative, her voice soft and respectful about the disposition of the "cremains"...seemed comical...maybe the surreal became absurd
I pictured her little orange body laid out in a tiny coffin with tufted satin inside the lid, perhaps a picture of the blessed virgin embossed on the material
Her little paws pressed together
And a barrel-chested preacher who never knew her intoning her feline virtues...
"She was a faithful cat. A loving cat. The kind of pet that everyone wishes for but few are fortunate enough to encounter..."
My friends file past, paying their respects, and wondering if I've finally lost my cookies having a full blown funeral for a cat.
Instead
I will receive a small wooden box with a lock and a tiny key
via UPS Ground.